Why do we so hesitant to stand up for ourselves?
So often we find ourselves angry that someone took advantage of us or mistreated us, yet when it comes time to express this frustration to the perpetrator, we remain silent. If this disrespectful behavior continues, we begin to resent this person as they make us feel powerless over our autonomy.
How do we break free from the cycle of mistreatment, frustration and self-ridicule? To find peace in our relationships, we must set boundaries and stick to them.
Boundaries are your rules or guidelines for a relationship, or the expression of which behaviors are tolerable or intolerable to you. By expressing our needs to ensure they are met and expressing our limits to ensure we are not disrespected, we are promoting healthy communication and demanding self-respect.
If we find empowerment in setting boundaries, why do we struggle to do so?
I have always struggled with setting boundaries. I get so involved with others’ issues that I tend to disregard my own needs. If someone asks me to talk, hang out, or do them a favor, I always say yes, even if it is strenuous or damaging on me. I feel validated when people tell me “You are so accepting and helpful,” or “Thank you for always being here when no one else was.”
Other times I fear the consequences of telling people no. I do not want someone to think that I don’t care about them if I refuse to listen to their triggering rant or decline when they ask for a ride. I always thought it would make me a bad friend or partner if I did not want to sacrifice my own time and happiness for others.
Basing self-worth and self-respect on ability to serve others instead of ability to serve onself can strain relationships and lead to feelings of discontentment. The brief feeling of validation after bending to the needs of others is not worth constantly feeling unheard, dissatisfied and used.
Mental freedom and empowerment come from defending yourself from behaviors that are damaging to you. The longer you remain silent, the longer you will remain dissatisfied and frustrated in your relationships. Do not fear expressing boundaries and do not hesitate to say no. You will find that your relationships are healthier and that you are happier when you feel heard.
