When people ask where I’m from, I usually get the same responses from everyone. Somewhere along the lines
of “That sucks.” I get the occasional “Uh-Oh” but mostly I get, “Jersey sucks,” usually followed by some
obscure claim and unflattering stereotype.
Like how Jersey drivers can’t drive.
False. You’re just driving wrong. Every New Jersey driver knows the real rules of the road:
Speed limits are arbitrary.
Everyone knows that 65 means 90. As my sister says, “If you can’t keep up, go home.”
When crossing lanes, always make sure to do a “Jersey sweep,” or in other words, cross from the left all the
way to the right, or vice-versa, in one smooth motion. Make sure you cut off at least three people.
Turn signals are optional.
If you need to get to an exit, always cross over at the last second to cut off whoever is in front of you. Odds are
they will honk at you, which you will respond to with your middle finger and you’ll both be on your way.
New Jersey has what we call “the traffic circle.” People hate traffic circles. Traffic circles, sometimes called
roundabouts, are exactly what they sound like: a circular intersection. They usually have four exits on the top,
bottom, left and right sides. Cars entering the roundabout have the right of way. Apparently it is too hard for
some to handle.
We get a lot of grief for our “jughandles” too. A jughandle is a type of exit ramp used in place of a left turn.
Instead of making a left, drivers simply go straight and then bear right into a large loop that dumps them off in
the direction that they were heading- left. “But why not just go left?” With the placement of said jughandle,
now the driver does not have to risk death crossing oncoming traffic. Wow. Brilliant. We know.
Also, we do not pump our own gas. Not because we are lazy or stupid. This is because we’re simply too cool
for that kind of nonsense.
OK, this next one is important. If you come to New Jersey and order a sandwich, you are ordering a sub. Not a
hoagie. What the hell is a hoagie? It’s a SUBmarine sandwich. It makes logical sense. Also, it is not Taylor
ham, it is porkroll. And it is our unofficial state meat. You wish you had a state meat. But you don’t, so you
should call it what it is and that’s not Taylor Ham.
People ask me why New Jerseyans have an excessive amount of pride for their home state. Well at least we
have pride for something … I have never heard anyone express any love for the state of Pennsylvania.
Haters gonna hate.
I love when people from out-of-state tell me that Jersey is filled with trash. I’m not sure if they’re referring to
trashy people or straight garbage but I’m assuming it’s both.
Let me just say that the only place in New Jersey that smells bad is in the upper portion near New York City
where there are many refineries and chemical plants. We’re busy making the rest of the country pharmecuticals,
chemical products, and tomatoes. Knock it off.
That’s less than 5 percent of the state. Otherwise, we smell like pine trees and salt water and perfection.
As for the trashy people … well, we can thank MTV’s “Jersey Shore” for that because the real New Jersey is
fine, fierce and fabulous. YOU can leave.
There’s a stereotype that New Jersey people are rude. Get out of my face.
People often tell me that New Jersey has disgusting, fake beaches. Then when summer rolls around they ask
me if they can stay with me so they can go to those same disgusting, fake beaches. Spare me.
Welcome to New Jersey: We don’t like you either.
