PENNSYLVANIA

According to a Yahoo! News report, two Pennsylvania cheese manufacturers were charged with conspiracy after selling mislabeled cheese. The cheese, labeled Parmesan and Romano but actually containing cheddar and Swiss, didn’t conform to federal standards. The company has been charged with misbranding food as part of a scheme.

NEW JERSEY

Joseph Greenwood allegedly used a police summons as toilet paper. After being released on a charge of threatening assault, Greenwood placed the summons between his “butt cheeks,” made a wiping motion and threw it at an officer, Newser reported. Greenwood was then charged with throwing bodily fluids at a police officer.

LONDON

British man Jeff Woolmer was forced to move homes after winning a seven-ton army tank on an online auction, paying $14,000. The massive ex-Canadian military vehicle forced him to move to find a place with more parking space. Surprisingly, with the correct paperwork, it is possible to drive tanks on roads in the UK.

PENNSYLVANIA

According to police, a woman was arrested after she broke into a neighbor’s house and washed clothes in the bathtub. Kelly Bancroft, 44, is charged with burglary and trespassing after the neighbor found her in the bathroom with water, shampoo and clothing in the bathtub.

CNN

Rapper Wacka Flocka Flame announced in a Funny or Die video his bid for speaker of the house, dismissing his dream of running for president last spring after realizing he was too young for he role. If he wins, his plans  include implementing “cool things” like marijuana legalization, women’s rights and gun control, and blocking “stupid” things such as the Trans-Pacific Partnership, voter ID laws and a wall between the United States and Mexico.

ALASKA

A man legally named Santa Claus won a three-year city council term in an Alaskan town called North Pole. According to news reports, the 68-year-old man has a natural white beard and donned a red suit for the campaign. Claus is an advocate for legislation and services that benefit at-risk children.

OREGON

A Subway unknowingly served a dead mouse in one of its sandwiches. The mouse was found in an Italian sub by Matt Jones, who snapped a picture of the unusual find and posted it to social media. The animal was likely scooped out of the bottom of the spinach bin, according to a USA Today report. Luckily, local health officials said there was a low chance of sickness from the food.

NEW YORK

Buster the kangaroo experienced a few minutes of freedom in New York City. Buster and his owner were visiting friends on Staten Island when the 3-foot tall marsupial slipped through an unlocked gate. The New York City Police Department confirms they responded to a call of a wild animal hopping in an auto shop parking lot. The owner was not charged in the incident, as marsupials are allowed in upstate New York but not in New York City.

AUSTRALIA

An Australian chicken restaurant, Chicken Treat, has an unusual PR coordinator. Betty the Chicken tweets promotions for the restaurant in hopes of eventually typing a legible five letter word. While Betty’s latest tweet “79./. a1” is not a Guinness World Record, she did allegedly type “bum” once. In retaliation to blowback from animal rights activists, Chicken Treat tweeted that the effort has been “been approved by (the Australian Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) & abides by all standards regarding animal welfare.”